One hopes to gain many things from a sabbatical. In my case I am probably trying to do too much. During this time I hope to make progress on my book on Thomas Magnus, ambassador to Scotland from Henry VIII. I also hope to read as much as possible and enjoy lectures related to the courses I teach. I also want to do some ground work for study abroad courses in the future. Finally, I hope to recharge my batteries both physically and spiritually. Spending time in Cambridge where I worked on and received my PhD. twenty years ago seemed a good place to make progress on all of these goals.
Half way through my time in England I feel fairly pleased at my progress.
However, I have been anxious about my spiritual regeneration in Cambridge. The reasons for this are many but generally returning to a place where one was much younger presents many dangers. The great swelling chords of nostalgic feeling are too often accompanied by tiresome voices that sing of missed opportunity. I prefer to live in the present. Secondly, Cambridge was the site of my first and most intense involvement with the Western Buddhist Order. Founded by Sanghrakshita, an Englishman who studied in India and then returned to found the movement, it is one of the largest and most successful Buddhist organizations in England. My involvement although positive in many ways also created a highly compartmentalized life. As I plugged away on my dissertation, enjoyed the rich social and cultural life of the university I also studied and tried to practice Buddhism. This meant weekly meetings, encounter groups, weekend retreats, study sessions, rituals and hours of meditation. As time went by I also wanted to demonstrate how committed to the movement I was so I helped run meditation courses. I even persuaded Queens' College to let the WBO use rooms there for courses. Leading such a compartmentalized life was stressful. I am sure I must have been as odd to my University colleagues as I was to the counter culture crowd of the WBO. However, the English have usually been good at tolerating odd ducks and both groups put up with me.
Eventually, after leaving Cambridge and struggling to maintain my contacts and obligations with the Western Buddhist Order for another ten years I finally and painfully withdrew from the organization. Religious feeling is basic to humanity but trouble with organized religious structures is as well. I could not fit into the Western Buddhist Order box. The turning point for me came at the end of a two week retreat when the retreat leader cruelly laughed in my face at my attempt to practice Buddhism in Midwestern America. I complained to other order members but they closed ranks behind the retreat leader. Perhaps his response seemed appropriate as Zen masters are always laughing at their students but for me it was devastating. I felt abandoned and undermined. Time has passed and the wounds have healed somewhat. I am still trying to find my way.
So, it was here, in Cambridge, where the opening battles of my spiritual life were fought. It was also here where the great mountain of the PhD was scaled. As I planned my return I wondered if the associations would be difficult. As it turned out, I have a great deal of positive memory to draw upon. It was in Cambridge where I learned how to research, study, write, discuss and do history. My PhD supervisor, Brendan Bradshaw was unbelievably patient with my appalling early attempts at Tudor history. From other graduate students and professors I encountered ideas across the disciplines that have enriched my life ever since. They were embodiments through deed and word of the belief that there are many paths to truth. They have also served me as models for what a good, compassionate, tolerant and cultivated person looks like. My time in Cambridge exposed me to the best of British civilization. My return has reminded me of this.
My anxieties related to how the place has changed have also proved to be mostly unfounded. Of course, everything in the University Library is more advanced technologically but the tea room still serves superb Cheese Scones, the dons still wear tweed coats and the undergraduates are as cocky as ever. The streets although more crowded have changed little. The medieval architecture still inspires and old cafes like the Copper kettle and Tatie's are still sanctuaries for weary students.